The Rere Platform: Worry

Expectations, Expectations...

Hi,

Been a minute, Lol!

Somehow you would have to forgive my disappearing acts, but then I have discovered than I am not one to just wake and churn out crappy stuff. I actually enjoy making sense. I missed you guys, who missed me? I am grateful for everyone that keeps messaging me to ask for my next post. You are my true inspiration.

I’ll be talking about expectations today. Over the past few weeks, I have been privileged to be in some amazing gatherings. Some I want to tell you about but then I know I might not fully pass the message the way I heard it. Which will be sad, but trust me I will try.

Why do we expect soooooo much from everything around us??

The world is guided by people that feel so arrogantly entitled to getting things when they want it. Life is a gift to mankind but humans are cocky to the point where we sleep at night and automatically expect we will wake up the next morning. Without even stopping to think about the mechanics behind it or who/what makes it happen.

Research has shown that the rate of depression and suicide has increased by 50% over the past 5 years alone. This stat puts a hamper on my mood because after thinking it through I realized the foundation problem is “Expectations”. Why are your expectations so high? Why do you intentionally mount pressure on people?

The society expects the world of you, so much so that you push yourself till you break into tiny pieces. Every parent expects their child to go to school, get good grades, then get a good job, get married and stay responsible. As a child, you expect your parents to always be there for you attending to your every whim, pay your bills till you can take care of yourself and just generally set a great example for you.

Now the problem is nothing ever goes as planned. Then we start to feel disappointed, which turns into resentment because expectations are premeditated resentments. Does it now make sense why the rate of depression is so high?

So many friendships, relationships and marriages fail because individuals fail to realize no two persons are the exact same. Stop expecting your friend to like the same music you like, stop arguing with your boyfriend/girlfriend because they don’t see things the way you do. If 6 is written on a sheet, one person will see it as 6 while another will see it as 9. No one is wrong, they just see it from different points.

When we realize we are not all the same, we have the power to conquer two things; - Competition & Comparison.

The choice is yours, do you want to continue living life hoping that people live up to your expectation of them? Or would you rather love life by expecting nothing and appreciating people when they do things? My take would be that you give people the chance of being themselves around you, because…

… Peace begins when expectation ends…

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, by The Rere

In Africa, Blogger

Stay Strong

I have a very strong feeling, to encourage someone, who is just on the verge of giving up. Lately I see many young people actually trying, making efforts to be better, to do better. To be different, but it seems as if all their efforts are just in vain. Sadly it seems like nothing is working, like things are only getting harder. I don’t know how all of a sudden, everywhere I turn I see sad, almost depressed young adults. Little wonder why the rate of depression has increased over time.

Someone reading this might have reached the point where all you are thinking is “I’m tired” “I can’t continue” “The pressure is too much” “Why are things not working for me” “Why is my own different?”

Never forget that, God never gives you more than you can handle. If you are faced without something that seems too big for you to carry, be rest assured that He considers you strong enough to overcome. Why are things not working out for you? It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people have felt this exact way at some point or the other.

One thing to avoid though is complaining, stop comparing yourself to the young guy you see buying houses. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.

What should you be doing differently?

1. Get specific. When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. “Lose 5kg” is a better goal than “lose some weight,” because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you’ll “eat less” or “sleep more” is too vague — be clear and precise. “I’ll start writing a book, this weekend” leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do.

2. Seize the moment to act on your goals. Given how most Nigerian parents are, most of us are scared to pursue what we truly love. Just because your mum has always dreamt of her son being a Lawyer doesn’t mean her son is destined to actually be a Lawyer. Accepted the music industry might be full or is it fashion? But never forget that the sky is wide enough for everyone to fly. I am not saying copy someone else because you think there’s money there. I am saying do something you are truly passionate about, you don’t have to wear a suit and tie to be successful. Rest assured your parents might not support you at first but if they see that truly you love what you want to do, any sane parent will support eventually.

3. Be a realistic optimist. When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don’t underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.

4. Have grit. Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Grit predicts which runner will make it to the finish line. In fact, grit even predicts which round of contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.

The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have, (which is a big lie). If this statement describes your own thinking …. Well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong and silly to even think that. You have to realise that how your future turns out, lies solely in your hands. Each of us have to be accountable for the abilities God has put in us.

5. Focus on what you will do, not what you won’t do. Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about white bears!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.

Don’t cry, don’t be weary and don’t be sad. Just hang on and stay strong. Ending your life isn’t the best option. Giving up isn’t also an option.

Find a way to stay happy, to be happy.

Live, Laugh & Love.

Your best is yet to come.

Feel free to send me an email if you want to talk to someone, it's okay to be needy, it's also okay if you want to stay anonymous. Reach out, i'm available anytime.

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, by The Rere

In Africa, Blogger

2018 & Peer Pressure

Happy New Year!

Lol, I am a joker right? It’s almost the end of the first month and I decided to crawl out of my hole to write something. Consistency has got to be one of the hardest things to attain in life… wow… How do you guys that gym do it? This year, I will not apologize on this particular post for staying away for so long. Why? Well because I am scared it might become a situation of me apologizing on every post. Rest assured though that this year I am going to do big things here and share them with you guys.

Later in the year by God’s grace I will be organizing a mini-conference for young entrepreneurs who have a startup and other young people who aspire to be entrepreneurs. It will be sort of like an empowerment/mentorship program for all of us to grow and become better people.

So, today I would like to talk about Peer Pressure.

Peer pressure comes as a result of intimidation by what you see others do or out of curiosity, and the desire to fit in among your peers. But I noticed that the moment you type in peer pressure on Google. Most related topics only address peer pressure as something that affects only youths and teenagers.

I don’t have a problem with that, but I personally have discovered overtime that peer pressure is common to every age and gender, it is just as much in older people as younger ones. Many of us give in to pressure because we want to belong, to be liked, to fit in, everybody is doing it, we worry other people may wonder why “your own is different.” But never forget that no matter the reason you are pressured into acting contrary to your better judgment, or common sense, you can walk away and not let other people dictate how your life goes.

What we forget is, sometimes the people you associate with or call friends may determine how far you go in life. So why not keep things clear with yourself by choosing wisely the people you associate with, they should be people with integrity and wisdom. Don’t just do things because every other person is doing it or every other person will talk if you don’t do it.

As a country, Nigerians have that problem in common because we are aspirational beings. We want the exact thing we saw one woman in church wearing, or we want to vote for the same person Banky-W will vote for. I think it is time to start making independent decisions that will make “me” as a person happy and fulfilled.

Leave the next person to live their life that way it pleases them, not only will it help your personal growth but also our country’s progress.

Until the next post…

iamtherere

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, by The Rere

In Africa, Blogger

The Choice is Yours

Personally I don’t believe in saying it’s too late. Why? Because there’s nothing like that. As the year draws to a close, I am sure there are some people thinking “the year is gone, what more can I achieve?”

Last night I got home really late from work and I had to sleep past midnight. The story here is before going to bed I knew fully well that I had to be somewhere at 6am. We all have that one neighbor who leaves home really early, so I called mine that I would like to go with him. Unfortunately, he said he had 4 people who already go in his car. I felt deflated yet I still knew I shouldn’t procrastinate the meeting I had that morning. Waking up at 5am was hard, considering I had a long and stressful day. I struggled but long and short, even if I did not make it for 6am, I got there at 6:30am due to the distance.

Moral of this story is, at the end of the day every accomplishment, every move, every positive decision is based on that desire and determination to WANT. If you do not want something enough to fight for it or aim for it, then it might be hard to even get it in the first place.

I want this post to serve as a reflection, a wake up call for everyone who feels there’s just a few weeks left in the year. What can I achieve? You don’t have to wait till December 31^st to start writing 7 prayer points for the year or 10 New Year Resolutions that you know won’t come to fruition.

I have realized that Nigeria probably has the most spiritual people in the world. That’s great! Trust me, with God nothing is impossible. But don’t forget that even the bible says, Prayer without works is nothing. It is necessary to pray, but the prayer won’t work if you don’t act or make a move. Before this turns into a sermon, kindly take two minutes to think about that one thing you can still do before the New Year rolls in.

You can choose to wait or move. At the end the Choice is Yours!!

Your New Year can start NOW! The ball is always in your court…

Peace…

Image from pexels.com

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, by The Rere

In Africa, attitude

Confusion...

Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days, days turned to weeks and now we’re here. There is no excuse for this sort of procrastination, I might say I have been swamped with work and I don’t even have time to breathe. Yet every time I say No, Rerelolu you won’t stop writing, you need to continue people are waiting. It feels like I am trying to convince myself more than I’m trying to convince you guys.

A wise uncle of mine once said to me; you can alter the pace but don’t shift the goal post at every chance. And you also know what they say, a rolling stone gathers no moss. It is better to have long term goals and break them into short and medium term goals than to have short term goals that you only cook halfway.

One thing I’ve realized is that it’s so easy to want one thing but get distracted so much you forget that one thing you want. So many of us are confused about what we want, forgetting that there is a difference between a want and a need. The same mouth you use to call it labor market is the same mouth someone else calls it favor market. The difference is that they have a clear cut dream they are chasing without stopping to attend to distractions.

I have realized there is no such thing as a hopeless situation, there are only people who have hopeless attitudes. When I started this write up, I did not know where I was headed. Now I think I have a direction and that is addressing the confusion among many people (both old and young) in the world today.

I met someone recently who has big dreams, she’s relatively young with commendable achievements for her age. The issue is that she wants to do everything, entrepreneurship she’s interested, working for others she’s also interested. If you say real estate, she will be interested, talk about farming, marketing, just name it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the zeal and I think it’s amazing how her mind works and how hard she’s willing to work for her success. But then again doesn’t it seem like maybe she might be swamping herself with every and anything just to get rich quick? Or what if that really is the way to go?

When people would ask what my career plans are, I would give a long list of everything I want to do. From owning my chain of companies to producing my TV show, to empowering young people, to public speaking, modelling and acting and definitely fashion designing. Yes you might say ahnahn, sister calm down but as my mother will say, nothing is impossible. Also many of us have allowed our families and the society cage us into believing that some things are the norm and some other things are “impossicant.”

I read somewhere that if you want to achieve greatness, you need to stop asking for permission. So my question goes to everyone who is just as confused as I sometimes get about their goals and how to achieve them.

Would you rather do all the many things you want to do at the same time or would you just take one route and see where it leads.

Share your thoughts and comments below, I look forward to reading them.

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, by The Rere

In Blogger, Determination

Why So Scared?

Hello,

How are you? Before I start, let me take a moment to thank you all for being so supportive and amazing. All that love I got from my first post was truly encouraging, and now that I know you are on board with me I feel relieved. I was scared and worried. Scared that what if these people don’t read, what if they don’t share, what if they don’t like it? The list was endless, but thankfully all my “what ifs” have been put to rest.

Let’s get down to why you’re here. Did my last post stir something inside? If it did, then I’m glad but if not… hmmm… I might know why.

Why so scared?

Fear is being afraid of something or someone. It is that feeling you get when you are scared something bad is going to happen and it is a very common feeling. Fear comes in levels and grades, some worse than the others but I’ll start with my fear. Personally I’m scared of failure, scared to try something and not do great at it (take note I said great not good). So scared that I have missed opportunities simply because I didn't try. One day, a friend tagged me on a post on instagram, a radio station was hiring but one of the criteria was that each person would post a video of themself pretending to host a radio show. Ah! I just told my friend, sorry I can’t do it. He said, “Rere, this is exactly your type of thing, just try.” I told him I just wasn’t interested, but I’ll tell you the truth, I was scared. I was scared that I’ll post video on instagram and all my friends and family will see and if I don’t get picked they’ll probably gossip and laugh at me.

Many people (young and old) are so scared of failing that the thought of even taking a step towards their dreams is not even an option. But one thing is certain no one knows how they will end up when they begin. No idea will come out fully formed but as you work on them they begin to take shape and become clearer. You just have to start. There is no one that will say “I have never been scared to fail”. In fact failure can be a drive to success but that only happens if you brace yourself and take the risk. Yes, that failure thing can be demoralizing and demeaning but I have found out that there is no success story without a failure story. Even Uncle Mark said;

“It is good to be idealistic. But be prepared to be misunderstood. Anyone working on a big vision will get called crazy, even if you end up right. Anyone working on a complex problem will get blamed for not fully understanding the challenge, even though it’s impossible to know everything upfront. Anyone taking initiative will get criticized for moving too fast, because there is always someone who wants to slow you down.”

The only difference between you and that person you see as a role model is that, every time the person failed, they tried again and now you are celebrating them for accepting their shortcomings. If you are busy worrying about “people” and what they will say, life will pass by in a flash, and sadly by then your pile of regrets will be so high. You used to worry about what they will say but in the end, you will regret not even trying in the first place.

We live in a society that criticizes and as a result, we do run away from big things because we are afraid of making mistakes. If we complain from now till tomorrow, it doesn’t look like Nigeria will provide the cushion to fall on if we fail. My advice is, cushion the floor and pursue your dreams, if you fall, cry small, wipe the tears and try again.

The reality is anything we do will have issues in the future but that should not keep us from starting. It is time to push our fears aside and try new things. Start that business, marry that guy/girl, go for that master’s program, let the mighty you shine bright.
False Evidence Appearing Real

So what are you waiting for?

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, by The Rere

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